B & H

Real real real real real talk: Is Jordan making herself unhappy? It seems as though the moment our pleas for ‘happy’ hit the ears of a select few, we lose all credibility. Mainstream media says happiness is being thin, well maybe ‘slim thick’ (that’s hot now), financially well off or stable, having a group of emotionally, financially and well off friends, working hard and playing harder, taking trips, and for lack of a more eloquent way of putting this and an unwillingness to keep detailing the bottomless load of bullshit that flood our mechanisms: living your best life. 

Maybe I’m wrong— it wouldn’t be the first time. Either way, it begs the question…what is happy? How does she feel? What does she look like? How long is long enough for her to be around? Is she what we should strive for? Two days ago, I was asked about her and truth be told, I struggled to answer. It’s similar to when people ask you what you want, and your response consists of a running list of objects that sound good because the happiest people seem to possess those things, or if you’re like me, you’ll describe your current situation and say that this can’t be it. We don’t always know what we don’t know, but I don’t yet know what it’s like to be happy at this stage in my life. I don’t know everything, but I know ‘happy’ isn’t hiding your emotions. How can you withhold a gargantuan part of who you are? You can because you do. She can because she does and he and they can and do as well. We all make informed decisions regarding our options and according to human nature, we will choose the path of least resistance—the one free of strife; hiding, as in concealing, as in diluting your essence, is a private, solitary, and subtle kind of strife and it’s perhaps the most destructive. 

It seems to me that we all, in one form or another, weather the storms, assess the damage and repeat until it’s time for work because at work, there’s time for damage control. We leave our baggage at home so as to make good use of the time we would prefer to be allocated to friends, to school, to leisure, and/or to whatever else requires our attention once we cross that threshold. It’s a shared reality, but I don’t know that it makes it  any less annoying. 

One more thing: they say you should control the controllables, and I agree, but is the mind excluded from this? Because this mind of mine has autonomy and I know some of you feel this too.  In certain situations, it’s safe to assume that we cannot control the mind, but does that mean we shouldn’t worry? When I worry, my instinct isn’t to pander, it’s to figure that shit out and go to the necessary lengths. But I learned a few months ago that I couldn’t possibly hold anyone to my more than realistic standards, so I’ve learned my lesson and I will not judge. However, I believe that you should struggle to find peace of mind. Needless to say, I’m not convinced that I’m rendered incapable, so damn it I’m getting answers come hell or high water. To take it a step further: you should struggle to get everything you want out of life. And if you’re concerned about time, IT’S GOING TO PASS ANYWAY.

So what’s the lesson in all of this babbling: Find balance. I have a feeling he’ll get you to you know who 😉 

Thanks for reading xo 

-Jordi 

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