Choose Your Hard

Pride

a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

I am a city kid. Home pride. 

I sweated out my shirt and edges watching some kids I go to school with whoop another team’s ass in the company of nearly 100,000. School pride. 

“You didn’t have to wait this long to say it, we all thought it anyway”. LGBTQ+ pride. 

I once cursed this body. I cursed it because I’m the scarlet (such a pretty color) leaf in the sea of green and the rain cloud that drifts out to watch the sunset rather than hanging around to disturb the peace—I cursed it because a man said I should; THICK. Body pride. 

I’m sharing my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings with you all. Self pride. Pride in self.  

Pause. 

I am a bullshitter. I am a prideful person in the most positive way, but I could give a few more damns about sitting under the Texas sun (I’m convinced that this isn’t the same one that shines in New York City) chasing a ball I can barely see without looking at the monitor. I could also go without fitting into yet another marginalized group, but I happen to like my person, and I’m all for people liking their respective people too; heteronormativity isn’t the problem, the people who crush spirits trying to enforce it are. Most notably though, I would LOVE to say that I don’t dislike myself many of the days, but that’s not the reality. 

This post is about choosing your hard. I have accepted this tenet of life, and I think more of us need to do the same. I’m not in alignment, and I didn’t feel it fair to appear to be; no worries, I am trying to change that in a way that I didn’t truly conceive of prior to a few months ago. I am dancing on the edge of a decision, and the critics and I don’t disagree. It’s not a full overlap in ideas, but there are some similarities. I’m compelled to swing over, but I’m nailed down by my conviction (I admit, I take myself a little too seriously at times).  I stand steadily when eyes watch, and crumble as the door closes behind me. It’s clockwork, but I choose this time and time again. This is my hard. What’s yours? 

Choose your hard and roll with the punches. Ponder (I think for a living at this point, so this comes naturally to me, and it’s okay if it doesn’t for you), pray (if you’re into that) and decide. I’ve completed steps 1&2, and 3 is giving me a run for my money—no cap. There’s more I can say, but I’m almost at my one page limit, so I’ll leave it here for now. Choose your hard, take pride in your decision, and be with the consequences. No regerts (not a typo—if you know you know). 

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: